Advice from my high school science teacher, Mr. Miller (via creatingaquietmind)
My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other
If you think your mom overreacts just remember once my mom cancelled our trip to New York because I refused to eat the meatloaf she made
2009 me would think that 2014 me was hot and thats all that matters
*sells kinder surprise during the Purge*
you’re telling me a chicken fried this rice?